When this happens: Pray
Updated: Sep 13, 2018
God has been doing some pretty amazing things in my life recently. He’s thrown me into the deep end and I haven’t drowned, I’ve actually enjoyed the swim. Every week I feel like I’m getting closer to the things my soul desires simply by wanting Jesus more. And then I look up and see something aiming for me. Every single time a chain in my life is broken, I’m dodging another arrow. When Jesus has done a major work in my life I wake up the next day and feel like I’ve been punched in the throat.
The enemy is a brat and he is not going to go down without a fight. But luckily I've got the Creator of this Universe on my side. Jesus has won the battles in my life that I’ve been trying to win for years.
But let’s be real: some of my situations haven’t really changed. My life circumstances have actually gotten worse recently. But it's okay because—Jesus. It seems that every time I take a step closer to Jesus, the devil tries to take a step closer towards me.... tries is the key word here.
Yesterday I was full of faith and now I feel like I’m slamming headfirst into another bullet. How come everyone else is still getting what I’ve prayed for? Did you forget about me when I prayed for that all those years? I bet they didn’t even pray for it as much as I did, how come they get it? Why are you starving me of this? Do I seriously still have to deal with this?! I thought this was over God! Do you not care? God, did you forget? Are you punishing me? Do you even care?
Little by little my mind starts investing into these lies and they won’t stop growing until I starve them with the word of Jesus. The devil plants a seed of doubt in your mind and suddenly you’re wondering if the God who died on your behalf—actually cares. We think we’re seeing it logically but we’re not. It’s like we push aside everything that God has done for us because of something that we haven’t seen change the way we want it to.
I started asking these questions tonight when I listened to a conversation in my lounge room and my heart dropped. You know that sinking feeling when it starts turning into nausea and the first signs of a panic attack start creeping in? Or when you know you’re about to fall into the pit of depression and you suddenly wish you could turn invisible or fly away from everyone?
I sat there staring at the floor, I didn’t move my eyes. I was scared that if I did I’d start to cry. My soul has been feeling good despite the daily attempts from the devil to crush it—I didn’t want to give up now. But I felt sick. And that’s when I started asking all those questions.
Until I remembered what someone said to me yesterday, “And when that happens you need to pray,” I could hear the voice, “you have to pray. Pray. Pray.”
It took a few minutes but I managed to build up enough motivation to walk into my room. Even though I wanted to, I didn’t exactly pray. I just sat on my bed and I cried. I cried until I could finally pull out my bible and then I opened to Psalms and stumbled onto Psalms 40-41, where David cries and prays and cries and prays. And when he cries, he doesn’t stop praying.
My tears should never stop me from praying. It should do the opposite. My Nan lost her four year old child unexpectedly to a sudden illness and she said, “I didn’t understand how I could walk away from God at that point. He was who I needed the most.”
I found that out after she died. And ever since I’ve tried to remind myself that when things are hard—don’t run. Because, to me, running is easier. It feels better to hide and blame someone even if they aren’t responsible for it (God). It’s easier to cover something up and walk away then it is to face it. And sometimes we do that with God. When things are hard we throw our hands in the air and give up on Him. But that’s exactly when we should run to Him. When things are out of your control—let God take over. And you know what the best part is? He always has your best interest at heart. Everything He does, He does for your good even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.
As I kept reading through Psalms, I put on some worship music and I finally had the ability to start praying. The words were spot on. If you ever want to figure out if someone in the bible felt pain, read Psalms. Half the time I’m not even sure how he kept praising Jesus when he had so many enemies! He spent years alone, begging God to save him. Years. YEARS. And yet he kept giving God the controllers. And then he ended up being the King of Israel. So don’t doubt God. Run to him. Again and again and again.
When you’re disappointed, run to Him. When you’re full of regret, sprint towards Him. And when you’re alone, collapse in his arms. When your skin turns clammy and your heart starts racing, pray. And when your mind is consumed and your heart is heavy, pray. When things happen, pray. When things keep happening, pray. Don't give up.
It’s actually crazy because He will never disappoint. I’ve been raised learning about Jesus but only recently have I started to notice that wow… he really doesn’t disappoint. So what do you have to lose?