elizabeth joy

me, myself and Jesus.

Hey guys! Welcome to my site. I've started growing a bit of an audience on YouTube and have decided to expand that to all the readers out there! 

Lately I've noticed how much I crave hearing Christians open up about their own personal struggles. It's been one thing I haven't heard about much, I've always thought if they're Christian, they don't struggle, which I could never relate to!  

I've grown so much in 2018 and it's all thanks to Jesus! I want to write about it! So I'll be writing on here with the hope that it can encourage someone  (and if not, at least it'll encourage me, or my future self).


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I love Jesus, why aren't I happy? Part 1.

Updated: Aug 24, 2018

It's a weird feeling to have dealt with anxiety and depression for years as a Christian. It has constantly felt wrong. I should be happy, shouldn't I? Why am I still struggling to get out of bed when I personally know the Creator of the universe and he's on my side? I love Jesus, why am I hurting? I want to love people, but my body responds in fear. I want to spread the Gospel but I'm barely surviving myself. Maybe one day I'll write a book about this because I think it's such an important topic and I think there's so many reasons why we could suffer with this, and there's more than one answer to these questions. But recently I've had a different perspective on this topic and I wanted to share it:

Why wouldn't we suffer with this? The devil hates us! And that's a good thing, but it's hard! When you're a threat to the enemy he will use anything to try and make things as hard as they could possibly be. It's an attempt to stop you from following Jesus. Why? Because you're valuable to God's kingdom and he knows it! You are wanted by the One who designed the incredible human body and created the mountains you live on and the oceans you swim in, you are wanted by the most powerful, gracious God and if you say yes, the devil has lost.

I've had a lot of different psychologists over the years, Christian counselors but also normal secular psychologists. They were beneficial of course, but it didn't cure my depression or anxiety, it just helped me manage it a bit better. In addition to this, I've wanted God SO much more than normal recently. To the point where nothing else matters right now other than my relationship with Jesus. I'm starting to pray all the time; in the car, when I'm at work (in my head), when I'm sitting in a lecture at uni, when I'm studying, when I'm cleaning, shopping, walking into the doctors office, walking to meet up with someone etc. It's almost like he's hovering next to my shoulder every second of every day - I can't believe it hasn't always been like that!

As a teenager I struggled a lot with mental health issues (My Christian Testimony video on YouTube talks about that: I'll put a link here when it's uploaded). And it got really bad again end of 2017 to now. Really bad. I couldn't concentrate on anything, and somehow I was meant to be a good, loving, caring nurse and handle deaths and disease as if I didn't personally know how that felt. I had been begging God every single day for a few years to provide me with someone or something who could deal with my deep rooted pain, but instead I felt like I was constantly losing people. I begged him for a Church, for Christian friends, for anything that would help. I begged him. All the time. I literally couldn't see through the dark cloud but I kept asking. Only recently have I noticed those prayers being answered (three or more years later). I don't know why I had to go through all of that before there was light at the end of the tunnel but one day I'll understand. We don't always know why things happen, we don't know why we have to lose what we cherish the most or why we have to wait on God sometimes.

But we do know that our lives are so valuable and the devil knows that. There's a constant battle going on for our souls between Jesus and the devil until the day we die. And it's up to us who will win our soul. Jesus wants us, but we have to say yes first. And even when we say yes, the enemy might keep trying to change our minds and as Christians, we should be aware of that. Following Jesus is hard. It's so hard. You are constantly standing up and getting pushed back down, mocked, abused, neglected. But you know what the best thing in the whole entire world is? Following Jesus. Far out! It's incredible! It's a joy that can't be explained.

Lets remember how Jesus was treated: He was mocked, abused, neglected. He cried too. He felt pain, too. He still feels pain every single day when someone rejects him on this earth. People God loves and cherishes more than anything hate his guts and don't want anything to do with him for eternity. Now, that would hurt. Jesus knows pain. He loses someone he loves every single day (imagine that?!).

We need to tell the devil to get lost because we belong to Jesus Christ! There is power when we dedicate time to Jesus. There is power when we pray in our head or out loud. There is power when we fill our minds with what Jesus would fill his mind with! There is POWER when we stand up to the enemy and stand up for Jesus. Words are powerful. That's how God created the world - with his words.

There is power when we stand up TO the enemy and stand up FOR Jesus.

Lately I have woken up every day telling God that this day is dedicated to Him. I want Jesus to take authority of the things I think about and the actions I take that day. And if the enemy tries to lie, he needs to stop because I want to follow Jesus Christ - which means he has no authority over my life and he can't try and fiddle with my brain anymore. For real! Telling the enemy to leave my life actually works (because even though I want Jesus, that doesn't mean that I haven't made mistakes in the past that may have "allowed" the devil to try and mess with me, which is why you should tell him that those doors are closed now and he has no more authority). And of course get professional help! God definitely uses medicine to heal. But sometimes you need to go beyond that. Cross that difficult line when your humanity doesn't want to pray - force yourself to pray. And when your human body wants to reject Jesus, search for him more. When you feel tired or busy, stop and give that time to Jesus anyway. Be serious when you say he comes first.

Something I have noticed over the years is every single time I really truly want Jesus, my life gets harder and my mental health gets worse (which proves to me that something tries to stop me from following Jesus). Because since I've told the enemy to go back to where he came from and I've started using authority under Jesus' name, I've noticed a difference! PRAYER IS POWERFUL. Worship is powerful! Aim every single day to get closer to God than you were the day before. The more I have prayed throughout the day, the more I have seen him work. And despite my heart hurting and my eyes watering, there is REASON, there is PURPOSE in my life.

If there is one change I've noticed about my mental health, it's that somehow I feel more satisfied. More content. In the midst of agony and stress, I am fulfilled (I can't explain it, it's amazing). Do I still feel pain? Of course I do! But when I go to Jesus in that pain, my heart might be broken but he's holding it.

This is only part one, there is so much I can learn on this topic and there are so many reasons why a person would suffer with mental health issues. But this could be a factor that's influencing it, I know it was / is for me.

And does this mean I won't be down at rock bottom again? No. But when I'm down at rock bottom, I need to reach for Jesus. So be blessed and stay strong!

- Elizabeth

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 31:8.

I've been listening to this song to help when I'm at my lowest:

I covered Kesha's song "Praying" with Christian lyrics and I think it relates to this topic a lot!

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